you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
