you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
