im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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