i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
