remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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