if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
