So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize