dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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