I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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