i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
