All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
