We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
