thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
