Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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