Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
