when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Your penis caused this!
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