i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
