there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
