got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
