OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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