I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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