That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need to calm my uterus...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
