didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
