Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
pop tarts are not kleenex
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
