I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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