You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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