I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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