oh god the rape fog is back!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
