I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
