I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
