Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize