Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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