just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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