I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
