I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize