I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
