Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
