I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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