Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i need some magic done to my vagina
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
