Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
