My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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