I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
