So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
