You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
