I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
