can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How does one acquire holy water?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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