Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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