you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
