Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
