I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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