I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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