Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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