What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
