I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
did you just send me my own nude
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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