He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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