went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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