Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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