we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
