I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
