Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
