Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I wish there were birth control emojis
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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