This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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