someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
