At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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