He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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