Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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