Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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